A Small Update

I'm still here!  Life has been keeping me very busy, but my blog and my dreams are never far from my thoughts.  I'm still reading The Baby Book almost daily, even if it's just a few pages at a time.  It will take me awhile longer to get through it but that's ok.  I figure as long as I keep reading it and don't let it go more than a day or two, I'm in good shape.

I have got my ICAN of Simcoe County membership up and running, at least I think I have.  They have received my payment though I haven't gotten a confirmation back from them yet, which I have enquired about today.  There was supposed to be an online support meeting last night but it got postponed.

But on a related note, ICAN is hosting a Parenting and Pregnancy Expo in Barrie next month.  More information can be found here - Pregnancy and Parenting Expo 2011.  I definitely plan on attending.  They will be showing two movies, Labouring Under An Illusion and Babies, both which look very interesting and you can see trailers for on the ICAN website.  I'm excited to check it out, and you should too!

Otherwise not much new is going on.  I have been thinking about my training and originally I thought I wanted to complete 4 of the Childbirth International courses, but I am now thinking of doing just two - birth doula and breastfeeding counsellor.  I figured those are the two which are most important to me right now, and I can always add on at a later time.  Scaling down to two makes my goals more achievable I think, as I will only have to save up half the money now to get started.

Still no immediate plans to register, but that could change at any time.  You never know!

The Baby Book and Parenting Styles

I've finished August's book, albeit a teeny bit late (kind of slowed down towards the end there!), and so onto another book.  This month I'm starting The Baby Book by Dr. Sears.  It will no doubt take me much longer than a month to read it, it's quite long and I tend to read in tiny bits and pieces rather than big chunks at a time.  As with the last book, I have already read this one before, maybe even twice.  It is a great resource with lots of information not just about babies, but a broad range of topics including attachment parenting, breastfeeding, labour, birth and postpartum, toddlers, and so on.

Whenever I read (or re-read) a book, I tend to get bombarded with a slew of my own thoughts and emotions regarding my own parenting experiences.  There is often that feeling when looking back, thinking "Did I do the right thing at the time?"  I also find my opinions are constantly changing based on my own experience over the years.  When I first read The Baby Book my older son was a newborn, and it all made so much sense to me - the babywearing, the sleep sharing, listening to my baby and reading his ever cue.  As a new mother I thought it was brilliant.  I soon discovered that not everything is for everyone.  Take co-sleeping for example, something that sounds so beautiful in a book turned out to be not right for our particular family.  While in the early weeks it did make my life easier, I soon realized that both my baby and I slept better in different rooms.  End of story.

So then I changed my point of view, thinking that attachment parenting was not all it was cracked up to be.  I read a few other books in the meantime, and took from each what was helpful.  Some books were more helpful than others.  Some were the total opposite of attachment parenting, and others preached a happy medium where they said it was ok to not feel like a mother has to be 'all baby all the time'.  We developed our own sense of what worked based on all of this.

And funnily enough, going back and reading the Sears book again, now that my boys are just a bit older than last time, I am starting to see where he is coming from.  That whatever parenting style you choose has to be what fits your family.  It doesn't have to be an all or nothing deal.

Parenting is a journey that starts when you find out you are pregnant.  And it doesn't stop at any one point, it is ongoing and ever changing, and you are always learning.  So many times I look back and think "If I knew then what I know now" - with my pregnancies, with my births, with my children as tiny babies, then older babies, and now toddlers.  It makes me feel like I want another chance to do it all again, just so I can do it right.

It's hard to think that you might have somehow did it 'wrong' with your child in the beginning, like there was a better way.  But there is no way of knowing how things will be, no matter how prepared you are.

But then I realize that I did do it 'right'.  I didn't always know what was best, but I was learning and my babies were learning with me.  We have been on this journey together, helping each other through it.  I have read a lot of books, and there are a lot more to be read I am sure.  I have felt overwhelmed at times thinking I should be doing things a certain way.  Then I realized that I have done things the right way for us.  I have taken from the books I've read what has applied and worked for us.  Not every thing suits every family.

In any case, I have a poor teething toddler who is once again up from his nap early and upset calling for me, and so while I think I probably had more to add to this post, it will have to wait for now because he calls.

A Plethora of Information

The more involved I get in learning about pregnancy, birth, etc., the more cool resources I keep finding lurking out here on the internet.  One site leads to a dozen more and I find myself clicking from one to the next, reading snippets of information here and there.  It's awesome.  I'm trying not to feel overwhelmed by all the stuff there is out there to read, I will never read it all so I'll just keep browsing and reading and browsing and reading, continuing to learn new and exciting things.

I've added a few more websites that I've recently discovered to my list of related sites and blogs.  No doubt I will keep adding more as I come across them.

Off to go browse some more sites and take it all in!

One World Birth

Today is the launch of One World Birth. 

I am still checking it all out and figuring out where to start, but I suggest you do the same!  What a fantastic resource for birth professionals, parents, and bascially anyone who wants to be informed.  The world needs to know what is happening to birth in this day and age.

Tips for a Successful VBAC

I think that really, most of what I will suggest here are more like tips for planning any birth.  In my case, it took the second time to put more thought into it.  But really, if most women put more thought into what they wanted to achieve through their birth experiences right off the bat, I'm sure most of them would end up getting the result they were hoping for.  Anyways, I did learn a lot through my second pregnancy and VBAC experience, and am more than happy to share some of the things that I thought were important during the planning process.

First and foremost, make the decision to have a VBAC.  Most women I have talked to in a VBAC situation didn't start their journey thinking they wanted to have one.  It was more of a "well, let's see how things play out" or "I'll decide closer to my due date" sort of a situation.  In my personal opinion you are setting yourself up for failure leaving it to chance.  If you know a vaginal birth is something you want, for yourself and for your baby, make the commitment right away.  If you are unsure initially, do all the preliminary research to help you make this decision.  Don't let it go on and wait to decide later. 

Read and research about VBAC.  Even if you are not pregnant yet but think that you want a VBAC for your next birth, start now.  I started reading about VBACs when my first son was only weeks old and continued my research throughout that first year even before we knew we wanted to have another baby.  Seek out other women who have had VBACs to share their stories with you.  Hearing from others first hand is very inspiring.  I was fortunate that my mother in law had experienced a VBAC, 25yrs previous, and in less than ideal circumstances when it was not the norm.  Sharing her story with me gave me a lot of hope for my own VBAC.

Find a care provider who supports VBAC.  And I don't mean a doctor who tells you "sure, you can give it a shot".  To me that is also setting you up for failure.  Your doctor or midwife should be supportive right off the bat, and there should never be any doubt that it is achieveable.  A good care provider will give you all the proper information up front, and answer any concerns you have honestly and without judgement.  If he/she has any reservations, I can almost guarantee they will cast a negative cloud over your efforts.  If for any reason you feel like your doctor is not supportive, don't hesitate to get a second opinion or even change care providers.

Hire a doula.  Especially if this will be your first labour and you don't know what to expect, but even if it's not every birthing couple will benefit from the added support and knowledge a doula will bring.  We didn't decide to hire ours until I was in my 6th month of pregnancy, but I had always felt we would benefit from having one.  And I was right.  A doula is not there to replace the support from your partner.  Many partners (mine included) may feel threatened that you would like to have a third party involved at such an important time.  But the support from a doula is invaluable.  She is not there just for the mother, but for the whole family.  She can provide lots of information throughout your pregnancy, not just at the end when it's time for baby to come. 

Prepare your mind.  This is one of those things that every pregnant woman should consider anyway, but I felt that in my VBAC situation especially, with the added pressure of success, I really needed to focus on my preparations.  I felt a lot of anxiety throughout the later months of my pregnancy, anxiety about the position of the baby (my first son being breech), about whether my body could handle labour, about whether I could handle labour, about going into labour on my own, and of course about the pressure of being successful and how I would cope if I wasn't.  Talking with friends, my husband, my doula, my midwives, and other members of my support team helped with this.  It helped me to air my frustrations and worries, and to be reassured that I could do it.  I also found that practicing my Hypnobirthing breathing techniques helped me relax and release any fears that I had.

Prepare your body.  Again, a good tip for any woman planning her labour but even more so in a VBAC situation, at least for me, because of the desire to be successful.  Perhaps in the case of the woman who attempted labour and ended up with an emergency c/s, she may feel that her body somehow failed her.  Spending extra time preparing your body for labour may give you confidence and peace of mind that you can do it.  I found in my case especially, since my first son was breech, I was always wondering if there were ways I could have encouraged him to be in the right position.  So for my second pregnancy I was very attentive to my posture, making sure not to put my pelvis in any positions where it might be out of alignment.  I attended regular chiropractic and osteopath appointments.  The knowledge I gained from my chiropath and osteopath was invaluable.  I consulted with my naturopath to find out how I could be as healthy as possible through my pregnancy.  I stayed active and did moderate exercise.  In the weeks approaching the time my baby was due, I used several different homeopathic and herbal remedies to help prepare my body (on advice of my naturopath.  I would urge any woman interested in this route to seek advice of a qualified professional).

Consider fetal positioning.  Spinning Babies is an amazing website and resource when it comes to learning about fetal positioning and how it affects labour.  In the case of a previous breech baby (like mine) you might be more worried about a second breech.  Or in the case of the mother who was told she had to have a c/s because her pelvis was too small (something that is actually not truly likely), position may be even more important.  There are things you can do to help baby get into the right position for birth, which in turn may be the difference between a quick labour or a more drawn out one. 

Avoid induction.  Actually, every woman should avoid induction VBAC or not, but that could be another topic altogether.  Depending on where in the world you are, induction may not even be an option, as many medical methods of induction increase the chance for uterine rupture (not just in VBAC situations, but in all births).  The best thing for you and your baby is to go into labour spontaneously.  Many inductions will go on to end in c/s, even for the woman who is not trying for a VBAC.  I remember feeling very nervous about baby going post dates (it also helps to remember that full term is 42wks, so there is no need to hurry the baby out before that point or even after in most cases), but I found that since I had prepared myself both mentally and physically, and practiced fetal positioning, we were all set and my son made his appearance on his own, and in good time.  He was ready, we were ready.

Trust your body.  Probably one of the most important points.  Remember, a woman's body is designed to give birth, it is a natural event.  It helps to remember this when you are stressed or worried about labour and birth.  If left to unfold as nature intended, the birthing process will almost always go smoothly.  Trust in yourself, and your baby, that you will know what to do.

Interesting Article on VBAC

I love finding stuff like this as it fully sums up how I feel about VBACs and reinforces everything I learned when I was planning my own VBAC.

VBAC Sabotage - Is Your Doctor Really VBAC Friendly?

Fears

The thought of childbirth never ever scared me.  I can't remember one moment where I thought I was scared of what it might be like or feel like, or that I wouldn't be able to do it.  When I read the Hypnobirthing book and read all about pain being the result of fear, it made so much sense to me.  And it really was true, since I was not afraid, I really did not experience pain, even during labour with my second son.  It was very uncomfortable by the end, but not painful.  I am always in awe of myself over how I mastered the fears that most women have about childbirth.

I have new fears now though.  I am not scared of pain, but I am scared of failure.  Traditionally I am one of those people who has lots of ideas but never follows through.  Most great ideas fizzle and die before they become anything.  Not to say that I've never done anything great in my life, obviously I have, but I do wish I had more motivation, that I didn't let fear get the better of me.

What am I afraid of?  Afraid of not succeeding?  Afraid of hard work?  I'm not too sure.

The same holds true with my doula ambition.  Because I am not in a position to start training formally, I am worried the dream will fizzle and die.  I'm worried I won't follow through.  That I'm all talk and no action.  When I think about doing it, I think YES I CAN.  But then I think about what comes next.  What happens after I finish my training?  Education has never been a problem for me, it's the go-get-'em attitude that comes after that part is over.  The part where I start my own gig, start working.  I usually fade into the woodwork, lacking the drive and motivation it takes to go out there and be successful.  So then I wonder, am I just chasing an empty dream here?

But then, when I am reading my books, and articles, and blogs, I feel it.  I feel like I want to continue, that it feels right to be a part of this, and to share it with other women.  Surely those feelings can't be wrong, and I need to just focus my energy on them and keep moving forward. 

I'm afraid I do lack terribly in self-confidence.  I get discouraged easily.  I have my humble little blogs, but then I go out there and see what other women are doing, what they are putting together, and I feel so.....small.  There is so much more information out there that I have yet to learn.  I don't know where to put it.  I feel like I lack the creativity to make it, at anything really. 

These are fears I am trying to master.  I am trying not to let them get the better of me, like they have always done.  With everything I have ever been good at or interested in, my husband would say "Why don't you do it/teach it?", and I would shrink back, lacking in confidence to go out there and get it done.  I do want this to be different.  I do have visions of starting something.  I still don't know when, but I feel it can be done.

I coach myself everyday on how to be a better person and overcome my short comings.  I feel like I have grown more as a person in this past year that I ever have before in my life.  If I want to do it, I can, I just need to keep growing and keep moving forward.  And stop procrastinating.  And stop worrying.  And start doing.

So the truth is I haven't posted here in a good week because I had run out of things to say.  And that is all part of my fear, that I start strong and then fizzle out.  And then I realized that this blog isn't meant to be about pregnancy or birth or parenting exclusively, it is meant to be my outlet on my journey towards this goal, and I should absolutely post my fears here.

It is halfway through August and I am halfway through my first book, right on schedule.  My next goal is to get my ICAN Simcoe County membership up and running, and see what I can do through that organization.  I figure if I set small goals for myself, I will feel good if I accomplish them one at a time.

I conquered fear in childbirth, and I can conquer fear in this as well.