A New Book

I know it seems like I have totally abandoned this blog, and sometimes it does feel that way too, though it always comes back to mind.  Life has kept me occupied elsewhere, but I haven't completely given up, at least not yet!

I picked up another book to read, and this time it is not one that I have already read BUT it is one that I am wondering, why haven't I read?  Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth has to be one of the most recommended books on birth that I have heard other women talk about.  Today I picked it up from the local midwives' lending library and dove right in.  At the rate that I read it will still probably take me ages to read it, but I am already intrigued.  I'm looking forward to reading more from Ina May, who is probably one of the most well respected authorities on birth in North America, if not the world.

That is where I'm at.  Still in contact with my local ICAN chapter, and getting to know the midwives here as well.  So while my doula hopes may (or may not, still not sure) be on hiatus, I'm still keeping up with it in some way or another.

More pregnancy and birth news to come, watch this space!

Do you even wonder what goes on in there?

My doula posted this pretty cool video on her Facebook the other day.

I remember when I was pregnant the first time around, I used to get those Baby Centre updates telling me all about my progress week by week.  It was all fun to read about and all, stuff like "This week your baby is the size of a walnut" or "This week baby will open it's eyes for the first time", but I remember thinking I wanted more.  I wanted to know exactly what was going on in there, not just how I was feeling or reading descriptions.  Usually they would include a little diagram of the baby's development, but it just wasn't the same.

Then about halfway through my pregnancy, maybe longer, I found A Child is Born by Lennart Nilsson and Lars Hamberger.  What a cool book.  It had everything I wanted to know about the development of my baby, from egg and sperm all the way to full term fetus, including the most amazing real pictures of the developing child at all different stages.

The book and the images are not in fact a new thing.  I had one of Lennart Nilsson's books when I was a child, I think it was called Being Born, and it had many of the images found in A Child is Born.  He has been taking groundbreaking medical photos since the 1940's.  What I like about the newest version is it also has descriptions and information about the biology of what is going one, from before conception all the way to after the birth of the child.

I loved being able to see 'inside' and know what was going on in there, week by week, and not just through Baby Centre updates.

This book is a must have I think for any expecting parents.  But the video I posted does a pretty good job too of letting you in on what is happening.

The Baby Book and Parenting Styles

I've finished August's book, albeit a teeny bit late (kind of slowed down towards the end there!), and so onto another book.  This month I'm starting The Baby Book by Dr. Sears.  It will no doubt take me much longer than a month to read it, it's quite long and I tend to read in tiny bits and pieces rather than big chunks at a time.  As with the last book, I have already read this one before, maybe even twice.  It is a great resource with lots of information not just about babies, but a broad range of topics including attachment parenting, breastfeeding, labour, birth and postpartum, toddlers, and so on.

Whenever I read (or re-read) a book, I tend to get bombarded with a slew of my own thoughts and emotions regarding my own parenting experiences.  There is often that feeling when looking back, thinking "Did I do the right thing at the time?"  I also find my opinions are constantly changing based on my own experience over the years.  When I first read The Baby Book my older son was a newborn, and it all made so much sense to me - the babywearing, the sleep sharing, listening to my baby and reading his ever cue.  As a new mother I thought it was brilliant.  I soon discovered that not everything is for everyone.  Take co-sleeping for example, something that sounds so beautiful in a book turned out to be not right for our particular family.  While in the early weeks it did make my life easier, I soon realized that both my baby and I slept better in different rooms.  End of story.

So then I changed my point of view, thinking that attachment parenting was not all it was cracked up to be.  I read a few other books in the meantime, and took from each what was helpful.  Some books were more helpful than others.  Some were the total opposite of attachment parenting, and others preached a happy medium where they said it was ok to not feel like a mother has to be 'all baby all the time'.  We developed our own sense of what worked based on all of this.

And funnily enough, going back and reading the Sears book again, now that my boys are just a bit older than last time, I am starting to see where he is coming from.  That whatever parenting style you choose has to be what fits your family.  It doesn't have to be an all or nothing deal.

Parenting is a journey that starts when you find out you are pregnant.  And it doesn't stop at any one point, it is ongoing and ever changing, and you are always learning.  So many times I look back and think "If I knew then what I know now" - with my pregnancies, with my births, with my children as tiny babies, then older babies, and now toddlers.  It makes me feel like I want another chance to do it all again, just so I can do it right.

It's hard to think that you might have somehow did it 'wrong' with your child in the beginning, like there was a better way.  But there is no way of knowing how things will be, no matter how prepared you are.

But then I realize that I did do it 'right'.  I didn't always know what was best, but I was learning and my babies were learning with me.  We have been on this journey together, helping each other through it.  I have read a lot of books, and there are a lot more to be read I am sure.  I have felt overwhelmed at times thinking I should be doing things a certain way.  Then I realized that I have done things the right way for us.  I have taken from the books I've read what has applied and worked for us.  Not every thing suits every family.

In any case, I have a poor teething toddler who is once again up from his nap early and upset calling for me, and so while I think I probably had more to add to this post, it will have to wait for now because he calls.

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding

This month's book is La Leche League's The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding.  I have read this book before, after my first son was born.  A lovely neighbour of ours stopped by one day and dropped off her copy for me to borrow.  I ended up buying my own copy because it was such a valuable resource (and I love having my own copy of books so I can go back and re-read them).

Breastfeeding is an art, and as far as artforms go there is probably no more womanly one at that.  I knew without a doubt that I would breastfeed my children, even before I knew all the benefits of breastfeeding for both baby and mommy.  It just made sense to me.  Why would a woman buy food for her baby when she could make the best stuff for free?  It seemed like a no brainer.

What I didn't know, was that breastfeeding isn't always easy right off the bat for a new mother and baby pair.  I didn't read much about it before I became a mom.  I always just assumed it was natural, that it just happened.  That baby would know what he was doing even if mommy didn't.  I remember sitting in my child education class at North York General, 1 week before my son was born, and the teacher asking for a show of hands who was planning on breastfeeding.  Most mothers put up their hands.  Then she just kind of waved at us and said "Don't worry, it's easy.  You'll all be fine".  At that was that.

After my c-section, when my son was finally in my arms, I remember looking at him and thinking, "What do I do now?  Do I feed him?  How do I do that?"  I looked to my midwife for answers, and unfortunately she didn't have any for me (bless her she was sweet, but I could tell she was inexperienced and lacking in confidence).

My first attempts at putting my baby to the breast were unsuccessful.  I just could not get him to latch on.  For my entire hospital stay I couldn't feed him.  I was surprised at how foreign it was to me, and to him.  Neither of us knew what we were doing and we were both frustrated as a result.  I was also frustrated at the lack of support at the time.  Midwives, nurses, doctors, no one there seemed to be able to help (or want to help for that matter).  It was the weekend, and there were no lactation consultants around.  I hand expressed my colostrum and gave it to him from a tiny cup or syringe, and just kept trying.  After two days we thought we had a breakthrough when a more senior midwive came to visit and was able to get my nipple in his mouth, and he seemed to latch on briefly, only to lose it again.  But it didn't stick.  We figured we would have more success once we were in the comfort of our own home.

That first week was horrible.  My milk came in, and my son was still not latching.  I was in so much pain, and I just didn't know what I was doing wrong.  The engorgment made it worse because he just couldn't get on since my breasts were too full.  When the midwife visited us she suggested pumping a bit first to soften them up, and we thought that was the trick we needed and would be fine.  But every night I would lie in bed in frustration, trying over and over again to latch him and then expressing and feeding him by cup or syringe when I was too exhausted to try anymore.

I cried and cried.  It was the most horrible time.  I was in pain, I was hormonal, and worst of all I felt like I was starving my child.  My nipples were sore and cracked from the poor latch I was getting from him.  Finally on the Thursday after he was born, when he was almost a week old, my husband called a lactation consultant out of desperation.  We just went online and looked one up randomly.  She spoke with me right away, and said she would make it down that evening, but until then to do nothing but sit on the couch, skin to skin with my baby.

That afternoon our other midwife who had been on vacation visited.  Finally, she was able to help us latch him on.  Her advice was much more specific than the previous midwife had given, and we were finally getting a sense of what we had to do to get him latched on.  After she left I was able to latch him on successfully for the rest of the afternoon.  When he was feeding properly, the pain was gone.

I cannot tell you have relieved I felt when I saw he was latched on and feeding properly.  It was one of the most joyous moments for me as a mother. 

The lactation consultant arrived a few hours later.  She was fantastic, and actually she confirmed what our midwife had discovered too, and that was that all this time I was positioning him wrong to get him to latch on.  Even though I was trying different positions, I wasn't getting his head in the right spot so that my nipple went to the back of his mouth.  I was trying to direct his head straight onto my breast, instead of more upwards and then moving him onto the breast.

Of course all of this was in the little bit of literature that I had read prior to birth, but that stuff was useless when I didn't know what I was dealing with.  I needed someone to show me how to do it.

Our second midwife and the LC were both fantastic, and I was so relieved to find out the problem wasn't something that couldn't be fixed.  Rather it was very simple, and I just need some proper support and guidance.

It still blows my mind to this day that neither the first two midwives who saw us in the hospital and at home, nor the nurses who attended us, nor the doctors who checked in on us were able to show us what was such a simple little trick so that we could breastfeed effectively from the start.

I didn't know at the time, but I now know how important breastfeeding support is.  Knowledgable and experienced midwives, lactation consultants, and even doula support can help make sure this crucial aspect gets off to the right start.  I wonder how many mothers gave up breastfeeding early on because they didn't have the right support, saying it was too painful, or that they didn't have enough milk.

We did not have any major breastfeeding problems.  It was just a matter of positioning.  And from the moment that the LC left our house onwards, we never had another breastfeeding issue again.

When I first had the realization that I loved pregnancy, birth, and babies, becoming a lactation consultant had crossed my mind as well as becoming a doula.  But when I looked into it, it seemed a little less attainable.  I would have had to go back to college and taken nursing first I think, and then complete the training in Toronto.  Being a doula seemed more fitting to me.  But I have never forgotten my early experiences breastfeeding, and would love to offer breastfeeding support as well.  I am thinking that I will include training to be a breastfeeding educator and counsellor when I complete my doula training.  I may also look into what is involved in becoming a La Leche League leader in my town.  I don't think there is one here, the nearest one being 1hr away in Barrie the last time I checked.

The woman who lent me the book initially attended regular LLL meetings and had invited me.  I never made it out though I wish I had.  I think that having the support of other breastfeeding moms really is invaluable to a nursing mother, especially a new one.

When my second son was born, I felt so much more confident when it came time to breastfeed him.  He latched on almost immediately.  I could tell our latch wasn't perfect right off the start, but it was easily corrected with some patience.  It felt so good to get it right from the start, the second time around.

I have enjoyed wonderful breastfeeding careers with my sons.  I nursed my older son until about 14mos.  I had planned on continuing longer, but I was already pregnant and it just seemed like I had very little milk left.  He was rather indifferent which made the decision to stop easier, as he didn't even seem to miss it.  I think I could have kept going if I wanted to.  Knowing what I know now all I would have had to do was just keep doing it.  But stopping when we did felt right, and we were both happy with the decision.

My second son is over 15mos now and he still nurses 3 times a day.  Sometimes he is less interested, and sometimes it feels like there's not much there.  But we are still both enjoying the quiet time we spend together when he is breastfeeding, and I don't feel any need to stop any time soon. 

I feel strongly that every woman who is able to do so should breastfeed her baby.  It is one of the greatest gifts you can give to him or her.  I respect the choices that some women have to make, which often include formula feeding instead, though I may not always understand them.  If you can do it, why would you do differently?

Breastfeeding support is yet another reason I would love to be a doula.  My suggestion to any woman who is thinking of breastfeeding their child, is to arrange support before baby arrives.  There are so many great resources and so much support out there for breastfeeding mothers if you know where to look.  Midwives, lactation consultants, doulas, and even other nursing mothers can all offer advice and support.