I wasn't sure if I was going to come back to this blog or not. I had kind of felt it had run it's course and I was ready to just focus on Life on the Bay and Dear Children Love Mommy exclusively and post everything there. After the baby was born I decided to post about it here instead of on this blog. It just seemed like I wanted to move everything back to that spot instead of jumping back and forth between this one and that one.
Last night though I revisited this blog and ended up reading through it all, and thought I had to post something. It was so fascinating reading what I had wrote. That is the main reason that I write anything anywhere, so that I can go back and read it. It's so amazing to read about the past with today's knowledge, to read the words I wrote before I knew how things were going to happen. I have to say I was very impressed with myself, for starting this blog, for keeping track of so many little things that interested me, and for tying my pregnancy into it all.
So after all the blogging about VBAC's, and my pregnancy, and my hopes for an HBAC, and all the drama between hubby and I, I am so happy and proud to announce that our baby girl was born in June, at home. And it was amazing. But you can read all about that on the link I posted at the beginning.
What I'm really thrilled about though was reading back through my journey to see how we got to this point, how it all unfolded. It was an amazing feeling to know that I put my heart and soul into what I wanted and got it. My daughter's homebirth could not have happened more perfectly.
Now I am thinking about what it all means for my dreams of becoming a doula and for this blog. Just over one year ago I started this blog with the hopes of starting my doula training. I felt so strongly that it was something I wanted to do. I don't feel that way anymore.
I think there are two reasons that I don't really want to pursue becoming a doula anymore. The first is that, in my travels through the pregnancy and birth scene I have encountered a lot of different people who are very much involved in it. It has been an amazing experience speaking with midwives, doulas, and other natural birth advocates. These people are often very similar in their ideals and opinions not only about birth but about a lot of things in life. I have to admit I often felt intimidated by how strongly they feel about certain subjects, and while it's not that I agree or disagree, I just feel like I am not as openly opinionated as them and it makes me kind of uncomfortable. It is like many of these topics go hand in hand (natural birth paired with other lifestyle choices) and I respect them but don't like to join any great debates about them. So I think I'd rather just not be that heavily involved.
The second reason I think my thoughts of becoming a doula have faded has something to do with the arrival of my third and likely final child. I felt in a way that I was chasing a birth experience, and my passion about it came from wanting to achieve it. Now that I have had my daughter and had the most wonderful experience, I feel very complete and almost like there is a sense of closure. I feel almost ready to leave the birth scene behind.
You bet that I'll still want to talk about this kind of stuff with anyone who is interested, and I think I would still be happy to pass on all that I have learned to others so that they can be informed and hopefully have positive pregnancies and births in the future. Maybe I will even be so lucky to be a labour companion to a friend or family member one day. That would be fantastic.
So with that I am going to bring this blog to a close. I'd like to print off all that I have wrote so that I always have it, but I don't think I will be writing anymore. At least not for now.
Short of winning the lottery we don't plan on having any more children, and while a part of me will always long to be pregnant and give birth 'one last time', I have made peace with the fact that it will likely never happen. I loved each of my pregnancies and especially this last one, and I loved giving birth each time despite the different circumstances of each birth. But I have realized that I am so lucky to have had three healthy pregnancies, three uncomplicated births, and three wonderfully healthy children, that I don't need to wish for more.
Thanks to anyone who has had a read, it has been a pleasure!
